When i have questions, i am Yours is the most important answer

??????
Am i Your submissive, Your slave, what's the difference? Can You be my Master without me being a slave, will I lose myself if i'm Your slave?... Maybe submissive is a safer word? Do i make You happy, do i please You, do i make You proud? Am i enough for You, are You going to want more, am I going to disappoint? These are some of the thoughts that have popped into my head since i met You and started this journey. You have helped me to grow as a person. See, it's in my nature to over analyze, over think, not trust, not get too close to anyone. You are helping me be patient, helping me to calm my mind and enjoy living in the moment. As far as trust, that wasn't anything we had to work on, it was instant and it still blows my mind, but that is something i refuse to over think and just enjoy. . . I will still over think some things at times and these thoughts will pop in my mind. .. you help me to stop and redirect by being patient and wonderful. . . in moments like this, when everything is perfect i just have to write what i do know and what matters, so if those thoughts creep in again I can just read this. . . ..

*i know that i submit to You and your will because i've wanted to from the second I laid eyes on You. i am Your submissive because i chose to be, even though it came so natural, it didn't feel like a choice.
*i know that calling You Master is something that again just happenejd naturally, it wasn't something You asked me to do, it just happened because it feels right. .. it comes from the desire to be completely and totally Yours, no questions, no resistance. it comes from the desire to belong to You, to be Yours to do with as You please, to not just submit to You, but to belong to You, to be Your property. The desire to want to serve You, make You happy and make You proud.
*It doesn't matter if we fit into the box of what others consider M/s or D/s, it matters what it means to us. It matters that my limits and boundaries are what You say they are because i trust You and i know that You can read me and that You have my best interests in mind. It matters that the stories i heard about slaves and even some stuff i read about on fet that makes my stomach turn and made me shy away from that title, don't pertain to us because i know that You aren't cruel, sadistic and firm, but Not cruel.
*It matters that even though You are/can be sadistic and You like giving me pain, i know You won't take it to far. . i know i can literally trust You with my life in your hands.
*It matters that You tell me i make You proud and happy and that's the only confirmation i need. It matters that no matter who we bring in to play with, at the end of the day i am Yours and You're never going to replace me on a whim.
*It matters that i am Yours, mind and body
*It matters that when I've made You upset or disappointed You, it hurts my heart, and even if it wasn't on purpose, that's not the point and I still need to be punished.
*It matters that i know when You punish me it's for the right reasons and I will learn and grow from it, and i want to be punished. ... but, I'm not going to be a brat just to get punished because i know that will upset Master and punishments aren't supposed to be fun. .

And last, but not least I just want to say. . YES I BELONG TO YOU MASTER, YES YOU ARE MY MASTER, YES I AM YOUR PROPERTY AND, I LOVE IT!

Fantasy of being used and punished

I have never wanted to be shared. .. i always thought it was dirty, slutty and not something a good church girl would ever do.   YOU Sir, have opened up my mind to fantasize about everything, knowing you'll make those fantasies a reality and knowing that you love this side of me and don't think less of me for it.. i still don't want to EVER have sex with anyone but You,  i'm addicted to You, but at the same time i want to make You proud. . I want You to be able to show me off....

Imagined this fantasy on my way to work this morning. ..
You invited me on a boys weekend to some ski lodge . .  I cooked breakfast for you and all your friends, made you a plate, then i had a girl come in and massage your neck and shoulders while you ate and while I was giving you head at the table. ...  Your friends were like damn,  you think you're a king or something.  Lol.. then the girl disappeared for some reason. . . And you made me give head to all your friends so they could see how well i listened to you... I did it because I wanted to listen and be a good girl for You.. make You proud. .  then, you had one friend hold my hands behind my back while you twisted my nipples and whipped my titties.. and You had another guy touch my pussy so he could feel how wet I was getting from being used by You. . . You told me I better not cum until You let me. .  You kept asking if it hurt, I said yes, then you said, then why are you letting me do it and I said, because i belong to You and you can do WHATEVER you want to your property, so You whipped me harder and harder and I came on Your friends hand. . . Then, to punish me for cumming,  You picked your friend with the biggest dick and had me give him head.. you told me to choke on it and not stop until You told me to... You told your friend to grab my hair and shove my head onto his dick and hold it there... and then throat fuck me over and over. . Years err streaming down my face. ..while i was choking on his dick You whipped my ass with a belt for being such a dirty little whore. .. You told me to take it like a good slut and not to stop giving had to your friends monster dick. .. it hurt with every whip and sting,  but made me excited and wet at the same time.. you whipped me over and over again. ... then had your friend with the huge dick fuck my ass while you fucked my face and beat my titles at the same time. . I didn't know which pain to focus on. .. you came all over my face and titties. ...then You told me what a good little slut i was and to stand up, that i wasn't done yet. ...You told me i had to please ALL Your friends all weekend, i looked at the 5 guys sitting there smiling and I thought, I'm glad he has a small circle of friends. .. Then you smiled like You could read my mind and said, don't worry this is just the beginning, there are plenty more on their way...

i don't want you, i NEED you...

i don’t want You, that’s too weak of a feeling and word…. i NEED You..

i need Your hand around my throat, I love having my life in Your hands.

i need to be under Your figuratively and literally, at Your feet, pressed under Your body, it makes me feel safe

i need You to hurt me until I’m screaming in pain, it makes me feel alive

i need You to let out Your aggression on me, no holding back, it makes me feel useful and Your power excites me

i need You to abuse Your titties, Your ass, Your body, to push me past my limits, it helps me grow

i need You to pee on me and inside me, to cover me in Your cum, to use me in ANY other way You see fit, it shows that I trust You and makes me feel completely submissive and helpless.

i need to feel the sting of Your hand, the pain of Your paddle, the pinching of Your fingers, IT need to scream out in pain, for Your enjoyment brings me happiness

i need Your sadistic side, Your Dominant side, Your dark side, for they are all part of You and it it’s my job to satisfy all of You

i need You to show me off to Your friends, it makes me happy that You can be proud IT am submissively and completely Yours without hesitation

i need to be YOUR dirty little slut to use and abuse, it makes me happy to please You.

i could never simply want You. i crave You, i need You, i long for You. With every inch and fiber of my being i am Yours…Your submissive, Your slut, Your everything You want me to be…

His mark

He has left His mark. A constant reminder i am His. :-)

A letter to Master

So, looking through emails we sent when we first met and stumbled upon this letter i wrote Him... just want to put it here as part of my journal so i don't lose it...

Just letting you know that you're on my mind.

Dear Master:

I am so glad that I met you and that we hit it off instantly.  I know that I was being shy and had a hard time making eye contact.  I kept fumbling and looking away.  I was nervous I would say the wrong thing and you would walk away.  But then, we got comfortable and I just had so many things running through my mind.  When I first hugged you, I was thinking wow, he is pretty solid; this feels so good.  At the table I kept looking at your face.  I was thinking, yummy, he is dark chocolate and smooth, his face is so strong and handsome.  I thought; I could definitely see myself kneeling and looking up at this face in submission.  Your eyes looked kind but firm.   You asked the right questions, and said the right things.  I could tell you would be patient and teach me so much.    You asked why I hadn’t found a Dom yet and I was thinking, because I hadn’t met you… I didn’t say it because it sounded so corny.  I kept thinking, I could REALLY do this, I could give myself to him completely.  I could submit to this strong, sexy, kinky, Dominant, handsome, amazing man, and I would feel so safe and wonderful. I just got goosebumps writing that.  I’ve known for about 18 months now that I needed to have a Dominant in my life to feel complete, but I honestly didn’t think that it would happen.  I was scared I would find someone that was in it for the wrong reasons, someone that wouldn’t inspire me to be submissive, someone I wasn’t attracted to, someone that was too new or inexperienced, etc.  I am so glad I was wrong, I am SO glad I found you and I am so excited to see where this journey takes us.  I look forward to learning all the things that put a smile on your face.  I look forward to cooking you your favorite meal, rubbing and massaging your sore muscles, listening to you when you need an ear, bending over when you need to hit something, opening my mouth when you want to fill it, learning the ways you like for me to suck it, laying my head in your lap, sitting at your feet, giving you my ass and pussy to abuse whenever you need to, and all the other ways to submit to you that I haven’t even begun to think of… Right now.. I am excitedly looking forward to tomorrow…

Submissively yours,

your submissive erika

Pain and pleasure

Master has been very patient and gentle with me.  i had asked him to be patient, to teach me and not to go from 0-100 too fast since i'm so brand new to all of this.  He has been more than great.  We have this connection where everything just feels natural, he knows what i need, what i can handle, when to push me.  i just trust him so completely. 
Well, life has been busy and i haven't seen him for two weeks!  i was looking forward to today every second of every day.  i was craving him to the point i felt like a drug addict.   We talked about what we would do,  about testing some of my limits, seeing how much of his sadistic side i could handle.  i was beyond excited and just knew i was ready.  i wanted to show what a good submissive i am for Him, i wanted to make him proud and happy to have me as His.  

Well, today was amazing in so many ways.   i got to kiss and taste Him, which i missed Soooo much!   i felt safe and comfortable in His arms.  i felt like He missed me just as much as i missed Him.  It felt like we were one. . i don't know how else to describe it. We moved in sync and it feels like He hits this spot deep down inside me that i didn't even know existed, like He touches the very core of me, like He touches my soul.  i shook uncontrollably in ecstasy.  . . .

Then comes the pain. . . The testing... the part i've been so excited for. . . His hands around my throat, felt indescribably amazing. .. in my head i just kept thinking,  He literally has my life in His hands and i trust Him completely.  . . It turned me on so much, and He seemed to enjoy it.  Then, He spanked my pussy, His pussy. . . Boy did it sting with pain, but i also didn't want him to stop, i was hoping that he was proud of me for taking it like a good girl. ... And then came the titty torture/abuse... i always thought i liked getting them played with roughly and that they weren't that sensitive, oh my goodness was i wrong! This was a shooting,  sharp, stinging pain.  i was writhing in agony, it was shocking and i know He could tell i was fighting it .. but,  i wanted to please Him, i didn't want to be a quitter, i wanted to push through this. .. And then, He stopped, and He was quiet.   Uh oh... did i disappoint Him, is He mad at me? A million questions running through my mind. .. after much thinking, and a repeat of all of the above, He asks (not sure if it was a question or a statement), if that was too much for me.   i said no, and hey, at least i didn't cry! i think i was at the verge of pushing past the pain.  Maybe 5 more smacks would've gotten me there, but maybe not.  i trust that Master knows what He is doing and that He knows what i can handle.   i hope that with time and His patience, i will be able to push through and handle more and more.  i hope that i will be able to be the best submissive He could ever hope for.  i hope i don't disappoint. . . .

Oh, one more thing, after the pain, when He was inside me, i felt this electric shock type of sensation.. it felt like it passed through or over my body. . Not sure how to describe it. . But it felt amazing.  i'm pretty sure i said,  "this is so weird" and "what are you doing to me" a few times today, as the feelings and sensations i was feeling were things i'd never felt before. 

i feel so connected to Him on a whole new level.  I feel 1000% more His.  I wonder if that will continue to happen every time we're together...

Looking forward to being collared

 

Talking about the day that Master will collar me.  The process, learning,  commiting, submitting,  trusting.  This has been a whirlwind experience,  everything happening so fast it almost takes my breathe away.  It was this instant trust and chemistry between us..    But,  i know that receiving His collar is something i will earn and not rush into.   I never expected this to happen, yet I am so excited that it has/is.  Is it weird that I have no doubts or trepidation?  Is it weird that this feels so right?  Here are just some pictures I found that remind me of what is happening and make me excited.

 

I love being His

 

I am excited that he has chosen to collar me! 

 

These words just ring so true 

 

Yes, Yes, Yes